This weekend was such a needed break. We got to drop the kids off with Nanny and Pawpaw for a full 24 hours. And the first thing I always want to do is to go straight home and crawl in bed for a big long nap. But I didn’t. Chris and I got to go out with my brother and sister-in-law to see Indiana Jones and go to dinner. The movie was good but a bit on the strange side. Dinner was fabulous- we hardly ever get to spend time with them away from all five of our kids collectively.

We slept in on Sunday and played hookie from church. Then we went to breakfast at The Original Pancake House and stuffed ourselves. It was glorious. And once that was all over I couldn’t wait to see the kids again. It’s so funny how I look forward to the breaks like they are a mirage in the desert. Then when they come I miss the little monkeys. I love a good break, and I love getting my kids back.

I miss my mom today for some reason. I’ve been thinking of her a lot lately. Not that a day really ever goes by without thinking of her, but when we had the shower for Tiff, I started thinking of her more because I still can’t find the recipe she gave me for the awesome punch she used to make. I can’t find it anywhere and I’ve looked at several online that are similar but still know I haven’t found the one she used. I wish I could just call her.

That is the raw part of losing someone. Once the pain subsides from their death and the surrounding events, once the pain has really healed for the most part from the inside out, you just always will want them to still be around. When I got married I really wanted her there, when I have had each of my kids, when I have had hard days or good days- I just still wish I could share them with her.

Now before people start emailing me to tell me that she is watching out for me, I also have to say that I’m not sure I can agree with that. Because I am a follower of Christ and believe what the bible says about living eternity in heaven with Him- I don’t know that once we are in heaven we would even want to think much more about our life on earth. The bible says that time is not really the same in heaven and for all I know, it could only have been a minute or two in terms of how long my mom knows she has been in heaven. And besides, she is in the presence of God himself- need I say more?

God has comforted me in such deep ways since Mom died. I never could have imagined that He would show me how to trust and dwell in Him for living through life without her, but He has in abundant ways. He has shown me to abide in Him and that to admit my weakness is to also allow Him the chance to show me His strength. When I am weak He is strong. I have lived through things I never really thought I could because of Christ. I will always miss my mom though.

Here’s to my mom- a woman who loved to laugh, loved people, had a truly adventurous spirit, could drive me nuts at times, and who I loved being close to for the time I had with her. If only she could have been around after I had kids, so I could have truly said thank you for all she did to raise me. I didn’t know until I had kids what that meant. And here’s to my little family, who has given me joy of my own to last the rest of my life!